20 Assumptions About Marriage

20 Assumptions About Marriage:

1. Conflict is inevitable so trying to avoid it is futile. Learning to manage it is imperative. 

2. Men and women have fundamentally different ways of viewing the same information which can cause unexpected communication problems in a marriage. 

3. Most of our ideas about what constitutes a "healthy" marriage are formed in our family of origin and will probably not match that of our spouse. 

4. Our individual ego and pride can be major obstacles to a healthy marriage. 

5. Speaking up for our own needs in a marriage is not only healthy, it is essential.

6. The demands and stress of maintaining a family can and likely will create distance between spouses. A conscious effort to reduce that distance is critical to a healthy marriage. 

7. Differences in sexual appetite between spouses is normal but needs to be negotiated in a mutually agreeable manner.

8. Most marriages will need some counseling from an outside source at some point. Both parties must be willing to participate and be willing to change for the sake of the marriage. 

9. Too much attention to career(s) or other distractions can cause couples to drift apart. 

10. Healthy marriages require intentional effort and routine maintenance. 

11. Romantic love may be the beginning foundation of a relationship, but will not sustain a marriage over time. Adjustment and modification of the definition of love must change as the marriage matures. 

12. There is no "formula" for what constitutes a good marriage. A "good" marriage is determined by the individuals and what works practically for them. 

13. Communication is one of the most troublesome hurdles in most relationships, and certainly is in marriage. Good communication is a skill which can be learned. 

14. Blended families and mixed marriages have unique problems which will get worse if not dealt with. 

15. Open dialogue is essential to a truly healthy marriage and this requires that both parties be open and transparent in their discussions. This may be more difficult for men in some cases, but it is a skill that can be learned. 

16. Money, sex, children, discipline, career, religion and family are among the most troublesome issues for most marriages. 

17. Second and third marriages tend to have even lower success rates than first marriages, indicating that we don't learn from our mistakes. 

18. Wounds we carry from childhood (and which we may not even be aware of) can cause problems in any relationship but are almost guaranteed to cause problems in marriage because of its demand for intimacy and closeness. 

19. Children can become accomplished manipulators of parents. It is extremely important that both parents be "on the same page" regarding discipline and family expectations. 

20. Absolute and unconditional trust between partners may be an impossible ideal, but must be constantly the goal.