Daughters and sons: should they be treated differently?

Well, before I give you my opinion, I would be interested in your candid response to that question. On the surface we would say the answer is yes. The genders require a different treatment.

However, some deeper reflection might change your mind. Traditionally men have been seen as the stronger, protective, more controlling of the two genders. But that notion is probably on its way out, if not already out.

Unfortunately, in our effort to protect women (and this includes daughters) we have stripped them of their agency. Our motives may have been noble, but this is probably not a good idea. More and more women are finding themselves the main breadwinner of the family or, in the case of divorce, the only breadwinner.

I raised two daughters and I told them consistently they could do everything they want to do in this world. I probably oversold that message because they are both now ambitious women. But in the 70s, when women were just beginning to flex their muscles, I felt it was important for them to be seen as equals in everything they did, particularly in the workplace.

So the answer to the question is more complicated. Yes, we treat our boys in a masculine sort of way. We expect them to “man up“ to their responsibilities, be able to carry their own weight, etc. But why would we not expect the same of girls?

Of course a lot of this is dependent on the personality of the children involved. You would not, for example, push a girl who has no interest in cars, to attend car shows. But you might spend some time with her explaining how to do basic maintenance on the car – – a skill she will likely need as she matures.

The final question is whether we treat them differently in the way we discipline and mentor them. I find a lot of men are uncomfortable trying to mentor a girl because they have so little experience at that. They leave that up to the wife. But there are skills and beliefs that only we can teach girls and boys. As a man, we have a unique way of seeing the world and we need to share that with our children. It needs to be a healthy view, of course, but we should not shy away from putting our mark on their personalities and providing healthy guidance.

What do you think about these ideas? I would be interested in hearing from you. Just hit reply and sound off.

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