Our attitude toward women may be harming our marriage

If I asked you whether you have a problem in your attitude toward women, most likely you would say no. And for the most part, that is true for most of us. We are respectful of women and we yield to them out of kindness and respect.

However, if you ask them to be honest, they might tell us that we sometimes fail to include them in decision making, we may not pay attention to their suggestions, we may overrule their objections, or we may give the impression that they are unable to fend for themselves and are dependent on us.

While all of this may be unintentional, it is worth examining our view toward women in light of the 21st-century mores and expectations.

“The times, they are a changing” as Bob Dylan said. What I hear from women today is that they expect to be equal partners in every aspect of the marriage and family life. They don’t like to have decisions handed to them and they don’t like to feel their input is not important.

Then there’s the question of power sharing. If we carry remnants of our father’s attitude toward women (which was workable in his day) we may be used to seeing women in a subordinate role. We may be expecting women to acquiesce to their husband’s judgment. We may we may be trying to push them into a stereotype that no longer works.

In today’s era of both parties working full-time, we need to treat our partners as equals. That means involving them in all of the things mentioned above, but it also means taking an equal part in the household chores, children responsibilities, and other things traditionally handled by women.

Of course, if you add pornography into the equation, the issue gets even worse. Pornography teaches us to treat women as inferiors, as sex objects useful only for gratifying our desires.

From the comments above, it would seem obvious that not having a good wholesome attitude toward women could harm our relationships with our spouse. But it can also harm our relationship with our daughters, other female family members, and certainly women at work.

What can you do? You can examine your own attitudes about women and where they came from. You can take some time to reflect on your own behavior and whether you have been inclusive when it comes to power sharing with women. And if you are really bold, you can ask your wife for some feedback on the topic. It certainly would be a conversation starter.

Our goal is always to be the best husband, father, brother we can be. That is only possible if we spend a little time reflecting on what we are providing for women and comparing that to what they might actually prefer.

Give this some thought this week and spend at least a few minutes reflecting on the ideas above. Of course, as always we would like to hear from you.