Make Family Time a Priority

In other places, we have talked about being actively engaged in your family’s activities. We have noted that a lot of men tend to be absent for some children’s events because of career demands. Some of this is to be expected.

The real question is this: are you available when you can be versus missing more events than attending?

I learned a long time ago that your To Do list is not nearly as important as you think. If you have a health crisis, for example, your to do list goes out the window or someone else takes it over. But more importantly, consider this: Your to do list should come from your priorities and your priorities should come from your values.

If one of your values is to raise healthy, well-adjusted children, then you will make some decisions to make sure that happens. You have a sieve through which you can sort competing activities to decide which are truly more important.

Being available for family time is crucial for men. Too often, the important lessons that men can teach children (especially boys) go by the way because dads are unavailable. This is not a criticism, but a fact of life. Typically the breadwinner is away from the home a fair amount. However, with a little planning and scheduling negotiation, it is likely you can be involved in family events more regularly.

I am very sympathetic to the demands of a growing career and the competition that exists within a work environment. But sometimes we over-emphasize this inconvenience and use it as justification for not showing up when we really need to.

Keep in mind that your children, particularly boys, will see your behavior as a norm they should emulate. Time has proven that your values become their values, and your priorities become their priorities. So much so that whatever conflicts your values are creating in your own relationship will likely show up in their relationships far into the future.

Spend some time thinking about what is really important in life. A friend of mine told me a long time ago that family values become more important as you get older. Of course that is true, but when we are young and starting starting and/or building our career, it’s hard to see the level of truth in that statement.

Remember this is not a dress rehearsal––this is the real thing. What you were doing today will have lasting impact on your children and likely their children as well. Too soon they will be grown and out of the house and you may regret missed opportunities.

Spend some time this week thinking about how you may need to re-adjust your schedule to accommodate more family activities. Especially if you have received complaints from your spouse about the number of hours you work, use your executive abilities to figure out a better way to manage.

Let us know how this works for you. Remember, other men struggle with the same issue and we can learn from sharing our experiences with each other.