Raising Kids is a Two Parent Exercise

It is amazing the number of times I have heard a man say that his wife did most of the child rearing. I hear comments like “I was so busy with my career, she had to do most of the family stuff.“

Keep it in mind that a generation ago this might’ve been more acceptable, but today’s family is more complicated and requires both parents’ involvement. With most spouses working, there is more to be done at home than one person can manage.

Here’s a list of questions to ask yourself about your own involvement in raising your children (this list is not all inclusive):

• I am present for most family events

• I am present for most of my children’s sports/music events

• I am home most days in time to have dinner with the family

• I know the details about how my kids are doing in school

• I have attended parent/teacher conferences

• I help out with the family chores (including laundry, dishwashing etc.)

• I am available to my children at bedtime to read a story or just interact with them

• I know who my children’s friends are

• I spontaneously do special things for my children

• We attend church together as a family

• I talk openly with my children about drug/alcohol issues

• I have actively worked on feedback my spouse has given me about participation in family events

• I would make sure my family members get counseling (including me) when it is needed

• I tried to avoid being a “friend“ to my children rather than a parent

• I avoid simply solving my children’s problems instead of helping them learn

• I teach my children problem-solving and life skills

• I insist that my children have some chores or responsibilities

• I don’t use money to control children’s behavior

• I don’t overly control my children’s activities

• I set boundaries for my children’s activities

• I routinely have one-on-one discussions with each child, appropriate to their age

• I have taught my children about sexual exploitation

• I am aware that I am modeling behavior that my children will likely mimic

• I take care of my health so that I can share in my children’s and grandchildren‘s future

• I make no assumptions about who will do what chores in the household

• I do not have biases about role stereotypes

• I am in agreement with my partner about discipline issues

• I can yield to my partner’s suggestions regarding children without being upset

What have I left out? What issues do you think are important in raising a family? What role should men play in the child rearing process? How would you grade yourself on the items above?

Let us know what you’re thinking about this. Other men can learn from your experience.

Good luck on your efforts to stay or become more involved in your family’s daily activities.