What's Your Love Language?
According to Gary Chapman, there are five love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. In his book The Five Love Languages, Chapman discusses how each of these languages can be used to show someone that you love them.
Words of Affirmation: If your love language is words of affirmation, you tend to feel loved when your partner expresses their love for you verbally. This can be through saying "I love you," telling you that you're beautiful, or simply expressing gratitude for something you've done. When it comes to showing love, if this is your language, then words are definitely your love currency.
Quality Time: For those whose love language is quality time, nothing says "I love you" like undivided attention. This means giving your partner your full attention when they're talking to you, spending time together without distractions, and generally making an effort to connect with them on a deeper level. If this is your love language, then quality time is what makes you feel loved.
Receiving Gifts: If your love language is receiving gifts, then you tend to feel loved when your partner gives you presents, whether it's for a special occasion or just because. It's the thought that counts with this language, so even a small gift can make you feel loved and appreciated. When it comes to giving love, if this is your language, then giving gifts is how you express your love.
Acts of Service: If acts of service are your love language, then you tend to feel loved when your partner does something for you that makes your life easier. This can be anything from cooking dinner to taking the dog for a walk. It's all about showing you that they care by doing something to make your life easier or more enjoyable. When it comes to giving love, if this is your language, then acts of service are how you express your love.
Physical Touch: If physical touch is your love language, then you tend to feel loved when your partner touches you in a way that is comforting and reassuring. This can be through hugs, massages, hand-holding, or simply sitting close to you. When it comes to giving love, if this is your language, then physical touch is how you express your love.
Chapman posits that these five "languages" are the way that we as humans give and receive love—but that oftentimes the love language we receive love in is not the same as the one we give love in. As you might've noticed above, each of the languages has two components: how someone gives love in the language, and how someone receives love in it.
And that's precisely why it's so important to be tuned into yours and your partner's respective love languages...because being unaware of them can lead to a lot of confusion and miscommunication. For example, if your partner's love language is quality time and yours is words of affirmation, you might find yourself feeling neglected if they don't express their love for you verbally—even though they're actually spending a lot of time with you.
Conversely, your partner might feel like you don't care about them if you're constantly telling them you love them but not making time to spend with them.
The takeaway? If you're not sure what your love language is, take Chapman's quiz here. And if you want to make sure you and your partner are on the same page, have a conversation about your respective love languages—so that you can both be aware of how to best show each other love.
