Who are the six men who will carry you to your grave?

Quick. Name six close friends.

I don’t mean acquaintances or old college buddies, I mean men who are close enough to you that you would share your secrets with them. If you have more than one or two, you are unusual.

As men, most of us keep people at a distance, especially other men. In most cases we are concerned about being seen as homosexual. But also it is in our DNA. In caveman times, every man was a threat to your next meal. If he killed the animal before you did, he and his family had dinner but you did not.

Most of us do not do relationships well. That was never a priority in the instructions we received about how to be a man. We tend to be loners––we don’t allow many people in.

Ironically, our wives are the people that we are most open with––but because we have few others, we put most of our emotional energy into our relationship with her. It never occurs to us that is something of a burden or that we could have male friends with whom we could be genuinely close.

Do you really know who the six men are that your wife will call to carry your casket to the grave? Are they close friends, fishing buddies, or are they just acquaintances? If you have one really close friend, one you can truly open up with, you’re very fortunate.

We need male relationships. We need close male relationships. Male relationships help provide us a gyroscope to tell us when we are off base morally or spiritually, seeing things wrong, or overlooking different options. Just as your male friend may give you a pointer on putting up a fence, he may also share with you how to have a closer relationship with your wife. Or how to deal with teenagers. Or how to get rid of your insecurities.

The next time you are with a male friend or associate and the timing seems right, go beyond the pleasantries of how you’re doing or how the sports teams are lining up. Ask a deeper question such as “What have you learned in your years of marriage that’s really helpful?”, or “How do you deal with your weaknesses when they interfere with your work life?”

If the thought of asking those questions is traumatic for you, I suggest you do some soul-searching about why that is.

As you are probably well aware, women tend to share almost everything with each other immediately. Consequently, they have close relationships and a support network when they need it. Men do not have that for the most part. But we need it just as much.

In coming weeks, make efforts to deepen your relationships with male friends. Share more about your personal life. Ask more about their personal life. Take advantage of their wisdom and suggestions. There is nothing unmasculine about having close male friends and appreciating those friends.

Give it a try. Let us hear from you about the results.