Dodging Responsibility: What This Story Reveals About Men, Work, and Marriage
A recent The New York Times article tells the story of a woman asking if she should divorce her husband because he hasn’t been able to find work.
When we read it, the first thing we noticed was that it’s really about responsibility, not unemployment.
Stop Hiding Behind “Trying”
The husband in the story is not doing nothing. He’s applying for jobs. He’s enrolled in a master’s program. On the surface, it looks like effort.
But effort is not the same as responsibility.
There’s a difference between doing something and doing what actually needs to be done. If your actions aren’t moving the situation forward, you’re not solving the problem. You’re managing how it looks.
You’ve done this. Stayed busy instead of being effective. Chose the safer path instead of the necessary one.
Action Step: Look at one area where you’re “trying.” Ask yourself if it’s actually producing results or just giving the appearance of progress.
Share the Weight Instead of Letting Someone Else Carry It
The real issue in the article is not money. It’s imbalance.
One person is carrying the financial and emotional load. The other is not fully stepping in to meet the moment.
That breaks trust.
Marriage is not about equal effort every day. It’s about shared responsibility over time. When one person is overwhelmed and the other is not adjusting, resentment builds fast.
You don’t get to opt out when things get hard. That’s when you step up.
Action Step: Ask yourself directly: am I carrying my share right now? If not, identify one immediate way to take pressure off your partner.
Do What’s Required, Not What Feels Aligned
Sometimes the work you need to do is not the work you want to do.
The article suggests something simple. Get a part-time job. Do something practical. Reduce the pressure now, not later.
Many men resist this. They want the right opportunity. The right role. The right trajectory.
That mindset can become avoidance.
Providing is not about preference. It’s about necessity. You do what the situation demands.
Action Step: Identify one practical action you’ve been avoiding because it’s not ideal. Take it this week.
Have the Conversation You’ve Been Avoiding
The article makes one thing clear. The couple has not had a fully honest conversation about what’s actually happening.
That’s where things break down.
When pressure builds and expectations stay unclear, both people start making assumptions. That leads to distance, frustration, and eventually thoughts of leaving.
You don’t fix that by working harder in silence. You fix it by saying what needs to be said.
Action Step: Initiate one direct conversation about something that feels unsustainable. Be clear about what’s not working.
Stop Letting Time Do the Work
One of the most dangerous patterns is waiting. Waiting for the degree to finish. Waiting for the right job. Waiting for things to improve.
Time doesn’t fix misalignment. It magnifies it.
If nothing changes, nothing improves. The situation in the article didn’t become a crisis overnight. It built slowly through inaction and avoidance.
You don’t get to drift through responsibility.
Action Step: Set a clear deadline for one area of your life that needs change. Decide what will be different by that date.
