What Does It Mean to Be a Man—Now?

The old definition of manhood is broken. The world has changed. It’s time to build something better.

Show up in your relationships

You say you love your wife. But when’s the last time you put your phone down and actually saw her?

A man doesn’t check out. A man doesn’t hide behind work, stress, or silence. A man stays when the conversation gets hard. He listens, even when he doesn’t like what he’s hearing. He apologizes without needing to win.

Think about it like this: if your son or daughter modeled your communication habits, would you be proud of how they show up in their own marriage someday?

This isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. Every day. Even when it’s boring. Even when it’s hard.

Action Step: Tonight, ask your partner one question: “What do you need more of from me lately?” Then shut up and listen.

Own your emotional life

You don’t need to cry in meetings. But you do need to stop pretending you don’t feel anything.

The old script says men should be stoic. In control. Impenetrable. But that script turns you into a time bomb. It makes you hard to trust. It makes you emotionally unreliable when it counts.

Being emotionally literate doesn’t mean being weak. It means knowing what you’re feeling, and why, and what to do about it. It means not losing your temper at your kids after a bad day at work. It means not going cold on your wife because you’re overwhelmed and don’t know how to say it.

Think of Andy Dufresne in The Shawshank Redemption. Quiet. Composed. But make no mistake—he felt everything. And he acted with clarity anyway.

Action Step: Set a 5-minute timer and write down everything you're feeling right now. No filter. Read it back. That’s where the real work starts.

Stop chasing status

Your title. Your salary. Your truck. None of it matters if you’re miserable at the end of the day.

Men were sold a lie: that success looks like domination. Climbing the ladder. Crushing the competition. But it’s empty if you’re spiritually bankrupt and disconnected from your family.

Here’s the truth: real success is alignment. Doing work that matters. Coming home with energy instead of resentment. Having friends who don’t care what you drive.

If you’re grinding toward a version of success that’s killing you, you’re not winning. You’re running in place.

Action Step: Name one thing in your life you’re chasing just to impress others. Then ask yourself: what would I do if I stopped giving a damn?

Build real brotherhood

You need other men in your life who will call you out. Not just drinking buddies. Not just guys from work.

Men need friends who tell the truth. Who challenge you when you’re playing small. Who check in when you disappear.

If your entire support system is your partner, you’re setting yourself up to fail. Isolation isn’t strength. It’s erosion.

Every man needs a circle that doesn’t let him coast.

Action Step: Reach out to one man you respect and ask him to grab lunch. No agenda. Just connection.

Lead from the inside

Leadership isn’t about control. It’s about energy. Who you are when no one’s watching.

If your kids see you being two different people—one at work, one at home—they’ll stop trusting your example. If your employees see you talk about integrity but lead through fear, they’ll stop following your lead.

The only way to become a man worth following is to start leading yourself. Through discipline. Through alignment. Through truth.

Action Step: Identify one area where your actions don’t match your values. Then fix it this week. No excuses.