10 Rules for Better Communication in Marriage
If there’s one thing we hear over and over in relationships, it’s this: “We just can’t communicate.” But is that really true? Or is it that many of us were never taught the skills needed for effective communication—especially in marriage?
The truth is, most troubled marriages could be saved if couples knew how to handle everyday conversations, not just the big conflicts. Learning how to listen, respond with empathy, and express needs clearly can transform the way you and your spouse connect.
10 Rules for Better Communication in Marriage
Whether your marriage is thriving or struggling, these simple (but powerful) communication rules can make all the difference:
Don’t interrupt. Let your partner finish their thought before responding.
Show empathy. A simple “I’m sorry you’re going through that” can make a big impact.
Paraphrase what you hear. Repeat back in your own words to show understanding.
Don’t dismiss their comments. Acknowledge their feelings, even if you disagree.
Use questions instead of statements. Asking opens the conversation; statements can shut it down.
Be mindful of who is (or isn’t) involved. Encourage both partners to fully participate.
Use “I” statements instead of “You” statements. Say, “I feel…” instead of “You always…”
Make eye contact. It shows presence and engagement.
Watch non-verbal cues. Your tone and body language often say more than your words.
Set a time to resolve conflict. Waiting until both partners are calm leads to better outcomes.
Why This Matters
Many of us learned how to communicate by watching our parents. If they modeled poor communication—interrupting, blaming, or shutting down—we may be repeating those same patterns in our marriage. But the good news? Communication is a skill, not a personality trait. And skills can be improved with practice.
When Conflict Happens
Even with the best communication habits, disagreements are inevitable. The key is how you handle them. Here’s what healthy couples do:
State needs as requests, not complaints. Instead of “You never help with the dishes,” try “Would you be willing to help clean up after dinner?”
Avoid psychoanalyzing your partner. Instead of “You just want control,” try “I feel like my opinion wasn’t considered—can we talk about that?”
Express hopefulness during conflict. Reassure your spouse: “I know we don’t agree, but I believe we can work this out.”
Be the first to apologize. It’s not about winning—it’s about healing.
The Big Takeaway
Your marriage has a higher calling than just companionship. If you have children, they are learning about relationships by watching yours. Strong communication builds a healthy, loving foundation—not just for you and your spouse, but for generations to come.
So take a moment today to reflect: What small step can you take to improve the way you communicate with your spouse?
