How Women Can Help the Spiritual Health of Their Men

Women, forward this to other women who might benefit from it. Men, forward it to your partner for discussion.

I am always pleased to see another woman has signed up to the Men in Balance newsletter. That (hopefully) means she is interested in what her partner is reading/thinking about.

Since we get asked a lot, here are some top of the head things women can do to help their husband/partner in his spiritual walk:

• Show up WITH him for church, spiritual activities.

• Initiate discussion with him later about what was said, ideas raised.

• Buy him a book about Men's Issues.

• Invite (don't force) him into a discussion about the relationship. Then just listen without comment. Save your questions till later.

• Speak the truth (lovingly) about your feelings about his behavior, his habits, his work commitments, etc. Volunteer what you would like to see done differently. Then let it go.

• Ask how you can communicate better with him, then paraphrase back what you hear without comment.

• If he doesn't have many male friends, suggest he develop some. Then allow him time to develop those.

• Sign up for a Bible study or Sunday School class WITH him. Discuss later the key concepts presented.

• Remember the value of AND vs. BUT. When he offers an opinion, say "...and another possibility might be..." instead of "...but that isn't accurate...."

• (At the right moment) remind him that your feedback about his wardrobe, his appearance, whatever is done out of love and concern for his success and how he is perceived.

• Speak up about your sexual needs, saying what you would like more of or less of (as opposed to criticism).

• Set boundaries about things central to the family or your own needs. Don't just "go along to get along." Use "I" statements only.

• If things are really headed on a downward spiral, insist on counseling. Go alone if necessary to work on your own issues, then get advice about handling his reluctance to participate.

• Don't excuse the kids (particularly teenagers) from church. This should be a FAMILY commitment.

• Get the whole family involved in a project that helps others.

• Suggest you and he (and the family if possible) begin nightly devotions and prayer. Take the lead, then ask him to lead.

• Encourage him to see himself as the spiritual co-leader of the family. Discuss how that will happen.