How well do you know yourself?
I have talked to wives (as well as counselors) who report that when they asked a man what he was feeling, he said he didn’t know. We are not taught to be introspective. Consequently, we don’t get to know ourselves very well.
We may know what our food, vacation, even sex preferences are, but we don’t don’t know our inner feelings.
The AA community has as part of its 12 step program, a requirement that you look inside yourself. Otherwise, how do you know what needs to be repaired or what might be in the way of relationships? Or what may be causing us to make unhealthy decisions.
Introspection has been an important part of spirituality from the beginning. Christ taught it as did most of the sages. Certainly it is helpful to us to spend some time thinking about our own weaknesses and how we might improve, but also how we might give of ourselves to others.
Looking for our own flaws may sound like a painful exercise – – and it may be at times. But this is the path to growth and as you know from sports and business, nothing is gained without an effort, even a painful effort.
So how do we go about this? Here are some easy steps to follow:
Take a moment on the drive to work or at lunch to just ask yourself what are you feeling. Most of us men are not even aware of what the basic emotions are.
Once you have thought about what you were feeling, see if you can trace it back to the source. Why am I feeling this way? Who did something or said something to me that caused me to feel this way? What part of this is my normal personality and life script? Are these feelings (resentments?) interfering with my work, my marriage, or other relationships?
Put a reminder on your phone to get in touch with yourself this way once a day. Spend these few minutes with just yourself to learn more about yourself and how you can remove any resentments or unresolved differences to make your life better and less stressful.
Think about what your wife or partner has said to you on this topic. If they have not said anything, ask them what moods or emotions they have seen in you that might interfere with relationships. Be prepared for their answer, because it is likely not pleasant, but it is a way to begin to heal wounds from the past and build trust and confidence in the future. It is also a powerful way to increase intimacy with those you love.
Another focus is on humility and getting rid of ego. Of course we can never totally get rid of the ego nor would we want to, but our ego can cause us to make decisions that are bad for us and those we love. Reason enough to look inside yourself.
Give these ideas a try and let us know how it goes.
