Balance Quiz

Is your life in balance? 

Take this short quiz as a preliminary test. (Feel free to share with others. If you only want to print the quiz and not the commentary which follows, only print Page 1.)

Give yourself 5 points for each TRUE answer. 

A score of 70 or less might mean you should take some action.

1. I am satisfied with the number of hours I work each week. [Details] 

2. Work is NOT an issue between my spouse/partner and me.  [Details]

3. I have close MALE friends with whom I can truly tell everything about myself.  [Details]

4. I have a tension-free sex life with my spouse/partner.  [Details]

5. I enjoy sex and rarely, if ever, have difficulty in this area. [Details]

6. I have a close relationship with my children (omit if not applicable).  [Details]

7. I almost never miss family activities and I am fully present when participating.  [Details]

8. I have never had an affair or cheated on my partner.   [Details]

9. I am satisfied with my career and the demands it makes on me. [Details]

10. I enjoy my work and feel I am making a significant contribution.  [Details]

11. I have a strong faith relationship with God.  [Details]

12. I pray regularly (at least weekly).  [Details]

13. I am involved in at least one organization that helps others.  [Details]

14. I attend church/worship regularly.  [Details]

15. I am satisfied with the communication between my wife/partner and me. [Details]

16. I am satisfied with the communication between my children and me (omit if not applicable). [Details]

17. I have never lost a friendship over anger or failing to respect the other person.  [Details]

18. I have a good financial plan which should support me in retirement OR 
    I have a good financial plan which will educate my children.  [Details]

19. I do not have a problem with drugs (including alcohol), pornography, or womanizing. [Details]

20. I have no serious "dark side" that I would never want exposed.  [Details]

21. I have friends who trust me to listen without judgment when they are having problems. [Details]

22. I am comfortable talking with other men about my personal life, beliefs.  [Details]

23. I have made serious attempts to work on my own "issues" through counseling or self-study. [Details]
    
    ___ My score
    
    My plan of action: 

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Question 1  [Details] [Back to top]

Many of us take on far too many hours to be truly balanced. While we (rightly) believe "we are doing this for those we love, "in many cases, our wives and children would likely rather have our time. Ask yourself this question: "Is work taking me further from my family?" Let yourself be guided by the answer.

Question 2  [Details] [Back to top]
In troubled marriages, work is frequently an issue. Its not that you can't put in the hours, but both partners need to be in agreement about the use of time. 

Question 3  [Details] [Back to top]
Most men have very few friends with whom they can be truly open--I mean really open. If you have one you are lucky. The question this raises is why do men have such difficulty opening up to each other? Some say men are so conditioned to be "warriors" that they cannot share information about themselves with anyone who might become the enemy. There is a real comfort in being able to "let down your guard" and not always being in charge and in control. Perhaps you are one who longs for such a male friendship. Begin by sharing something about yourself and see how it is received. If it is positive, do more. Perhaps there is a real friend in the making!

Question 4  [Details] [Back to top]
Everyone has tension in their sex life from time to time. But if there are issues between you and your partner, it will likely show up in bed pretty quickly. While it might be tempting to sweep issues under the rug for the sake of "getting along," this will catch up with you. What can you do? Take the risk and try having a conversation about the issue(s). Start with neutral open-ended questions, then repeat back what you hear for clarity before asking for more. Show some empathy for the other point of view and make a commitment to yourself that if the conversation gets loud or heated you will beg off and ask to try again later. And most importantly, stay in control of your own emotions and accept what you hear--even if you don't like it.

Question 5  [Details] [Back to top]
What would you give to have really great sex with no "performance anxiety" or any other worries? You've heard it before, the biggest sex organ is the brain and if it ain't working, nothing's working. It is easy to blame the partner because they're doing something wrong, but the fact is you have to be able to ask for what you want--openly and respectfully. And if other issues are in the way (see #4 above) get to work on them in a Christian, loving way. Maybe counseling is the answer--it might not be pleasant, but neither is divorce. And it's a lot less expensive.

Question 6  [Details] [Back to top]
Long hours and absences from travel or other distractions can separate us from our children, especially as they get older. Keep the connections clean and open. Find time to talk to kids--and listen to them (not lecture them) using the tips in #3 above. If you can ask open, non-judgmental questions and resist the urge to lecture, you can get into some really neat conversations--and make a friend of your children as well.

Question 7  [Details] [Back to top]
This can be a relationship killer--with both wives and children. Missing events for work reasons may be perfectly justifiable to you, but do it enough and the family gets a clear message they are not a priority for you. Think prayerfully about this issue and whether your priorities are balanced. Children grow up fast and there is no second chance. Children aside, family has to take its proper place in your allocation of your limited time and attention. Are you avoiding or withholding your attention? If things are out of balance, could it be a conversation with your employer is in order?

Question 8  [Details] [Back to top]
Few relationships can withstand the drained attention caused by an affair--even if you never get caught. If you have had affairs, don't beat yourself up about it, but begin now to make amends to the loved ones you have hurt. See the Emergency! page for ideas.

Question 9  [Details] [Back to top]
The typical route for men is to spend more and more time on their career as a loving gift to their family and their standard of living. Ironically, this takes you away from the ones you love--and are sacrificing for. Is this what you want? Take some time away and prioritize your life and balance the various demands. Work is a major demand of men but if it gets out of balance, it is our duty to re-prioritize and look at options which give us more of the life and relationships we want and need.

Question 10  [Details] [Back to top]
If you answered yes, congratulations! Not every man can say his work is rewarding. How do we get into careers that are not rewarding? By accepting promotions that pay well but take us away from our passion or our family? By making "political" moves in the company for appearance reasons? If you have lost your passion for your career, take a hard look at where you are headed and make changes to re-balance.

Question 11  [Details] [Back to top]
A strong relationship with God is critical to your self-esteem and sense of accomplishment. When the game's over, what really matters--sales volume or personal peace? Promotions or passionately living your life? Many men discover too late, this is not an "option"--it is a requirement to a balanced life.

Question 12  [Details] [Back to top]
What is the value of prayer in your daily life? To some, that question would be like asking why you need gas in the car to start it. Career and work demands are too difficult to do on your own. Eventually, you will want/need communion with God to make sense of it all and to add meaning to the work you do. Don't wait for a crisis to begin a regular prayer/devotional ritual. It can enrich your life beyond measure. While it is true that "Prayer changes things," the main thing it changes is you!

 Question 13  [Details]  [Back to top]
Getting involved in a helping organization can be very therapeutic. It enlarges your focus and it gives you some sense of helping others. Rather than spend more time at the office or work, why not check into helping a non-profit of your choice. AND your church can most certainly use your help. Call and ask how you can help.

Question 14  [Details] [Back to top]
This should be a no-brainer. Have you attended but recently slacked off? Get back in  worship services and get the family there too. Your family will be better off for it and so will your marriage.

Question 15  [Details] [Back to top]
If you answered "yes" to this one congratulations. You are likely in the minority on that. Communication with your spouse is such a critical success factor for your marriage and the relationship in general. It is something you will always be working on--and rightly so. Check with your spouse/partner and see how critical this is to your success together.

Question 16  [Details] [Back to top]
If you answered "no" to this question, ask yourself what you are doing to hinder communication with your children--especially teenagers. Lecturing won't work here. You must use a genuine questioning/inquiry style which encourages them to open up. Then repeat back what you are hearing to let them know you "got it"--even if you did not like what you hear. Then use questions to help them come to their own conclusions--questions such as "What would be the impact on your family or friends if you do what you are considering?" Your role is to get them thinking not have them intimidated into doing what you want.

Question 17  [Details] [Back to top]
This question might point up the need for counseling. Ask yourself seriously why you lost control--especially if it is a pattern. Controlling your own emotions is basic  to maintaining a healthy relationship.

Question 18  [Details] [Back to
Amazingly, many men fail to do basic financial planning. If you find yourself in this category, get some help. Consumer Credit Counseling services or professional financial planners can help. Ask around and get started.

Question 19  [Details] [Back to top]
These are serious threats to a marriage and a family. There are numerous "tests" on the web and elsewhere to help you see these issues realistically. If any of these issues are keeping you from an open, vulnerable relationship with your partner or family, that's a problem. For starters, you can make an appointment with your minister. Don't worry, he/she will not be shocked and can direct to resources.

Question 20  [Details] [Back to top]
This is a tough one....most of us have some "hidden" elements of our personality or behavior which we would not want to share openly. The question is (as in #18 above) are any of these issues are keeping you from an open, vulnerable relationship with your partner or family?

Question 21  [Details] [Back to top]
If you could not answer yes to this question (and also #3), you might be feeling pretty isolated personally. You don't need a lot of close male friendships, but you do need some. Set a plan to work on this. One simple way is to deepen a relationship you already have by openly suggesting the two of you pursue talking in more depth about personal issues. Lots of men are hungry for this kind of relationship.

Question 22  [Details] [Back to top]
This is somewhat of a pre-requisite to a deeper bonding with other men. See #3 and #21 above.

Question 23  [Details] [Back to top]
If you answered yes to this one, congratulations! Self awareness is the first step to healing and self-improvement and self actualization.