About Us

The mission of Men in Balance™ is…

• to help men develop a balance in their work, marriage, family, personal and spiritual life

• to help men become better fathers, husbands and family leaders 

• to help men learn in small group discussions (which is easier for men than psychological counseling) how to deal with the cultural expectations to be brave, strong, stoic and invincible

Men in Balance™ is a 501(c)(3) non-profit started in 2007 to help men bring balance to their lives in the multiple areas which cause problems for men and can de-rail both careers and marriages. Our research found few programs specifically designed to help men--and still fewer focused on getting men to discuss openly with other men (in a safe environment) their concerns and experiences . This is immensely important! 

When men are out of balance in their career, personal or spiritual life, marriages and families suffer and relationships crumble--sometimes involving violence toward women and others. Equally troubling, careers are torpedoed and talented men are derailed. Also when men do not properly initiate sons into a healthier view of manhood, the cycle often is perpetuated to another generation. While this problem does not grab headlines, the costs to society are substantial and rising.

The way men are socialized in our culture, beginning at birth, creates huge issues for them as adults. Men are expected to be independent, successful, fearless--and to hide their emotions. Because they are punished for violating societal norms of masculinity, many men develop a distorted (sometimes exaggerated) concept of manhood which creates problems in:

• Work/life balance 

• Relationships with other men 

• Relationships with women 

• Self-esteem and acceptance 

• Physical health issues

 
In brief, these issues manifest themselves in the following ways: 

• Men absorbing themselves in work/career at the expense of family/personal time/relationships 

• Men being unwilling and sometimes unable to have close relationships with other men for fear they may be perceived as homosexual 

• Men becoming "emotionally restricted" in their relationships with women creating frustration for the partner and further isolation for the man 

• Men wrestling with issues of self-esteem and personal worth because they feel they do not "measure up" to their understanding of expectations of masculinity 

• Violence toward women (and sometimes other men), frequently rooted in men's exaggerated concept of what is "manly" 
  

The research term for the root cause of many of these problems is "gender role conflict." But that broad term does not do justice to the reality of broken relationships, isolation, and depression many men experience. These are issues which trouble and sometimes cripple men emotionally and (in some cases) physically as well. The patterns of gender role conflict are familiar to most professionals who have worked with men's issues. They are: 

• Restrictive emotionality 

• Health problems 

• Obsession with achievement and success 

• Restrictive sexual and affectionate behavior 

• Socialized control, power, and competition 

• Homophobia 

Here are some of the implications of gender role conflict in daily life:

• Men resist self-analysis and thus develop "blind spots" that create problems in personal relationships and often careers as well.

• Many men show discomfort with emotional matters which reveal vulnerabilities so they tend to avoid such issues.

• The emotional estrangement resulting from operating in a defensive posture much of the time frequently results in sense of isolation, being unfulfilled.

• Unwillingness or inability to open up to their partner adds to men's sense of isolation.

• Partners need emotional connection and when the male is unable to provide this, it has serious implications for the relationship. Frequently the partner complains that the man "shuts down" emotionally or "walls off" the partner - which adds to his sense of isolation and frustration.

• Men's unwillingness to be vulnerable with close friends, confidants causes them to "tough it out" in isolation.

• Too often a man's reaction to the problems in his relationship with his partner results in a sense of loss of control and may lead to violence as he re-asserts himself. Violent behavior may also be seen in gay bashing, prejudice, ethnic slurs.

• Unfulfilled men seek gratification outside marriage (mid-life crisis).

• 22% of men admit to having affairs (the actual number is likely higher).

• 17% (or more) of divorces are caused by infidelity.

• Obsession with career and achievement often interferes with home life adding to frustration on the part of both partners and alienation from his children.

• Men may feel "trapped" between the conflicting demands of work and home.
  Attempts to provide a higher standard of living for his family often results in men being absent from the home. 

• Having few close friends adds to the sense of isolation. 

• Men often report they feel unable to articulate their feelings and tend to avoid "relationship" discussions. 

• Boys face unique problems and role confusion when the father is (physically or emotionally) absent or the victim of gender role conflict.

• Boys are strongly influenced by their father's style of handling issues of relationship, 
  emotional connection, treatment of women, etc. which perpetuates the problems of gender role conflict to the next generation.

• Not talking to other men about their situation and their feelings often causes men to feel they are the only ones facing this issue or harboring certain feelings.

• Some men view the vulnerability implied in attending a house of worship a real threat and therefore tend to fall away from church/synagogue attendance or report just "going through the motions."

• Studies show that when the man in the family attends church/synagogue, the likelihood is much greater that the whole family will attend. It has also been shown that teen boys are less likely to attend regularly if the father does not attend.

• In the MIB survey many men report they are not seen as the spiritual leader of their family.

• Divorce rates now exceed 50% in first marriages and nearing 50% in subsequent marriages.

• 27% of children are being raised by one parent (more often the mother).

• Children of divorce face unique problems:
    (1) Higher rates of problems in school
    (2) Higher rates of teen pregnancy
    (3) Higher rates of socialization issues in school
    (4) Higher rates of truancy and juvenile delinquency

• The problems created when families break up represent a huge drain on welfare resources, mental health issues, and often poverty, drug or alcohol abuse and/or violence.

How Men in Balance™ Works

Primarily, to date we have delivered our services in the following ways:

• small group discussions in places of worship, YMCAs and informal meetings

• seminars for couples 

• bi-monthly newsletter reaching over 3,000 people

• resources available on our website designed to help men (and couples)

• our blog which offers men an opportunity to see what other men
  are thinking about issues

• boysinbalance.org which is being developed to provide boys healthy direction 
  toward manhood

• seminars and public information sessions about men's issues and their impact on families

History

Jerry Hancock started this non-profit out of a recognized need (with no resources), and has served as the Executive Director with no compensation. 

We operate with a small Board, an Advisory Board, and a management team--all volunteers serving out of their commitment to our mission. 

We have a detailed strategic plan including an aggressive marketing plan. Our goal in 2010 is to develop this into a sustainable program reaching large numbers of men, couples and boys and to expand our reach into 150 or more organizations. 

The more than 500 men who have been touched by our program say it has changed their lives, saved their marriages, deepened their spiritual roots and re-connected them to themselves and their families by bringing a saving balance to their life. Couples who have attended our Couples Communication series report renewed closeness and vitality in their relationship. Men who have attended our Wolf at the Door series (which helps men deal with unemployment and the impact of the economic downturn) find solace in the fact that other men are facing similar circumstances and they share suggestions for coping.

At this date, we are working on developing the boysinbalance.org website and program to help boys deal with the pressures they encounter as they learn to become men in our society.

Thank you for taking the time to learn about this program and our goals. Will you join us in making this effort sustainable with your financial support? I welcome your feedback and dialog. 

Being an adult male is difficult at best. Certainly it has its joys but it has its challenges as well. This effort is intended to be a resource for men who are searching for some answers to the unique questions men face and who are willing to take a deep spiritual walk to learn about themselves.

Yes, taking the walk is a pre-requisite. There are plenty of resources serving men from a secular viewpoint; however, it is my firm conviction that true peace of mind and a comfort with yourself as a man comes only after some real faith-challenging introspection. 

You are welcome here. We hope you will tell others. And we hope you will share your story as well. for Jerry Hancock