(in no particular order)   –Jerry Hancock

I included this section just because it is so interesting. In one of our sessions, we brainstormed why men aren’t getting the sex they claim they want. Here’s what we came up with:

 

  • Whining about it/the lack of it (vs. talking about our needs)

 

  • Playing it “cool” to see if she will initiate it (vs. initiating it lovingly without worry about rejection). Avoiding rejection is a sure way to avoid getting what you want.
  • Acting angry or hurt, hoping for her to “make it right” (vs. making a request or being loving and cheerful). In one of our sessions, a man said, “My wife should know when I need sex—I’m irritable and unhappy.” I responded, “So when she sees you are irritable and mad at her, that should be her cue to initiate sex?” He wasn’t happy with my challenge, but a lot of us have likely tried this approach.
  • Not asking directly for what we want (vs. speaking up for ourselves)
  • Complaining about what she has done/not done lately (vs. requesting something different)
  • Waiting till bedtime to initiate affection (vs. demonstrating affection throughout the day)
  • Answering in one-word answers or grunts and groans (vs. engaging in meaningful conversation with her)
  • Making sex into a “project” to be completed perfectly (vs. allowing it to unfold based on each other’s appetite)
  • Skipping the relaxed conversation, the “I love you” kind of chat (vs. taking the time to learn about her and her feelings)
  • Hint: Demonstrating your feelings of rejection is not a strategy nor is “wishing and hoping.” Put the ego away and enjoy her!

BIG question: Are you brave enough to talk about this list with your partner?